I hope you’ve had a fun summer. The weirdest part of mine came when I was—and I swear this is true—attacked by a baby deer while I was on a kayak in the middle of a river. But more on that in a minute!
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Okay, so about the fawn. I was kayaking with my young daughter on a river in Michigan when we caught sight of a baby deer on the river bank. Promising my daughter a better look, I kayaked over toward the fawn. And that’s when the trouble started.
The fawn began bleating, but rather than being terrified of me, it jumped into the river and began swimming my way! I started paddling downstream to get away from what is admittedly the cutest monster ever to attack me, but the fawn followed. Worse, I was leading it toward deeper water and I was worried it would drown.
I paddled back upstream, hoping I could lead the fawn back toward solid ground. When we neared the bank, however, the little guy (or gal) tried to jump
inside the kayak. My daughter, who loves fawns, was panicking—and I was worried about hurting the animal or possibly contaminating it with our scent (which I later learned is actually a myth). I quickly got my daughter and myself out of the boat and encouraged the fawn onto dry land. The baby deer then nuzzled me, apparently thinking I was its mother (I wish I could tell you this is the first time a fawn has mistaken me for its mother, but that would be lying.)
After a bit of looking around and trying to lead the fawn deeper into the forest where we thought it would be safer, it occurred to me that the baby’s mother would never show unless I left the scene. So my daughter and I slunk off, fearing the fawn would again launch an amphibious assault. But instead it calmly watched us go.
I don’t know what happened to the fawn. I hope it’s okay. But as I’m a writer, I’ve dreamed up a more fitting ending. Two years from now, I’ll be driving down the road in Michigan and I’ll spot a deer just off to the side. I’ll slow down, feeling some hidden connection between the two of us. Our eyes will meet just for a moment, and I’ll think, “I wonder if that’s the deer that tried to jump in my kayak.” And the deer will think, “I wonder if that’s the jerk who didn’t give me milk.” And then he will bound away into the forest, our lives never intersecting again.
So there you go. That’s the story of my river attack. All I can say is that given the level of panic I felt with a cute baby animal fast approaching me, it’s probably best that I leave the monster fighting to Soren Chase.
